Postpartum Myths
Motherhood is completely unique for each mother and child, whether you have one or multiple. Reality will occasionally (or frequently) be different than what you expected because you and your baby are not exactly like any other mom and baby. But when things don’t go as expected, you may find yourself having self-critical thoughts about how things should be, and you may feel like you’re just bad at this.
You are not a bad mother. For one, you are wondering how you are doing as a mom, which shows that you care. And two, you are doing your best with the resources you have. There might be challenges that you did not anticipate, or you may be finding that reality is nothing like you expected. And while it doesn’t make it easier, it is perfectly normal.
Myths about the Postpartum Period:
There are many myths about motherhood that can lend themselves to self-critical thoughts or feelings of inadequacy when things don’t go as expected. Here are a few:
Myth: Breastfeeding will be an easy, natural process.
Reality: Many moms find breastfeeding to be more challenging than expected for many different reasons. Whether it’s how long it takes for milk to come in, how baby latches, the necessity of pumping, how much milk you produce, feeding frequency, discomfort, or something else, breastfeeding can present many concerns and challenges. Your breastfeeding experiences and choices are not a measure of your worth as a mom.
Myth: I should be able to care for myself and my baby, maintain other relationships and accomplish tasks like I did before.
Reality: Caring for yourself and your baby requires your time, energy, and attention. If you have people to ask for help, now is the time to lean on them. Lean on your partner to ask their family or friends for help. In a culture that emphasizes individual productivity, it can be tempting to try to keep up with all your daily tasks, goals, and relationships in the same way you did before your baby arrived. But the postpartum period is a season of receiving. Now is the time to ask for and accept support so you can prioritize your needs and baby’s needs.
Myth: I don’t feel as emotionally connected to my baby as I should. There must be something wrong with me.
Reality: The bond between mom and baby does not always happen immediately. There are many reasons that it may take longer to develop that emotional connection with your baby. It is a process that takes time, like all relationships. If it is not immediate, don’t panic. Holding and spending time with your baby can help you develop that bond, which will also help you know how to best care for your baby when new challenges arise.
Myth: I will instinctively know how to soothe my baby.
Reality: Babies cry for many reasons: hunger, wet diapers, discomfort, over stimulation, under stimulation, sleepiness, gas, illness, or he just wants to be held. Some babies cry more than others and it can be very stressful for a mom whose baby does not soothe easily. Your baby’s cries do not mean you are inadequate. The best thing you can do for your baby is to be kind to yourself and find ways to stay calm.
When you notice yourself having those thoughts about how you should be or feeling like a bad mom, remember that perfection is not the goal. Moms who are good enough make mistakes, feel like they have no idea what they are doing at times, and are in a constant learning process about what their child(ren)’s specific needs are and how to meet them.
Hearing from other moms and sharing about these experiences can reduce distress associated with these thoughts and feelings. If you would like the opportunity to connect with other moms in the postpartum period, schedule a free consultation to find out how our Postpartum Support Group can help.
